“What's wrong?” I asked, without even looking up, as Merlin crashed down beside me. I was reading under a tree on the outskirts of Camelot, and I'd only ever told one person about my little retreat. The way he'd plonked himself down, I knew something was up immediately.
“It's always Arthur,” he muttered bitterly.
“What's he done now?” I finished the paragraph I was reading before closing the book and looking over at Merlin.
“Nothing,” he huffed, “and that's just the problem.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, stroking his arm absent-mindedly.
“He's so lazy,” his face pleaded me to understand.
“He is the King,” I started, but couldn't continue opposing the deep blue of his eyes. “But you're right, he is rather lazy.”
“And you know another thing?” he added, as though he'd remembered what he'd been meaning to say for a while, “It's always Arthur and Merlin. Never Merlin and Arthur.”
I smiled at this, knowing that if he were any other servant he'd be grateful for that; “If it were anyone else, Merlin, it would be 'Arthur and that serving boy', so don't be too down about it.”
“Do you know how many times I've saved that prats life?”
“I honestly don't, no,” I giggled slightly, resting my head on his shoulder and curling up to his side.
I could feel his breathing start to ease as I drew circles on his skin with my finger.
“Stop calming me down!” he exclaimed after several quiet moments. “I'm trying to be annoyed here.”
“There's no equality in Camelot just yet,” I muttered carefully.
“But why?!” he moaned.
“Uther's only been dead a short while, and I'm sorry to say, Arthur's got other things on his mind at the moment.”
“Yeah, like Gwen,” he nodded, a smirk playing on his lips.
“Exactly,” I smiled. “So stop beating yourself up.”
“I just wish I mattered more,” he whispered.
“Merlin!” I almost shouted.
“What?” he looked confused.
“Don't ever say that again. Of course you matter!”
“Not to Arthur.”
“Merlin, you're being stupid now.”
“Oh, thanks,” his sarcasm burned.
“Do you honestly think you would have kept your position in the court for this long if Arthur didn't think you were important?!” Merlin looked at me through the corner of his eye, so I sat up for him to get a good look into my honest expression, “You're more important than even you know.”
After a while to think, he looked down and mumbled, “Okay, but I'm not that important.”
“One day I'm going to slap you, Merlin,” I laughed.
“What? Why?”
“You keep putting yourself down, and there is no need for it.”
“I just don't know what to do anymore, you know?”
“I know,” I held his hand and forced him to look me in the eyes again, “but unfortunately I'm probably the only person who'll understand what it feels like to want to be loved.”
“You are loved,” he stated outright.
“But not the way I'd like to be,” I explained, hoping he'd take the hint.
“Who doesn't love you?! They must be crazy.”
“It doesn't feel nice when someone you care about puts themselves down, does it?” I smiled winningly.
“No!” he laughed, caught out. “But honestly, who doesn't love you? I'll go and knock some sense into them.”
I laughed, but ignored the question for now, “Merlin, just look at your situation this way; maybe to the people over there,” I pointed at Camelot, “you'll always be Arthur and Merlin, but to the people right here,” I pointed to us, “You'll always be Merlin and Arthur. You'll always come first to me.”
His bashful smile set my heart aflutter, his eyes sparkling with pride. “Thank you.”
“And as for knocking sense into the person that doesn't love me the way I love them,” I laughed as I slapped him playfully across the face.
“Hey!” he held his cheek, but chuckled, “What was that for?!”
“I love you, you clotpole.”
Realisation hit, and he turned a deep red, “Really?”
“More than you'll ever know.”
“So what's wrong?”
“Nothing...” I muttered, not wanting to have to explain that it was okay if he didn't love me the same way.
“Because if it's me that doesn't love you, you're the one being a clotpole.” He took my chin gently in his hand and forced me to look at him, “I thought you knew that I loved you?”
My heart almost burst, and my cheeks hurt from the massive smile that now plastered my face.
“Are you serious Merlin?”
“You'll always come first. Always have, always will,” he pressed his lips to mine, softly at first, then more wantonly as my book dropped to the floor and we pushed ourselves together, knowing that it didn't matter what other people thought of us, as long as we had each other...
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