“The
fact that you have an opinion doesn't automatically give you the
right to shove it down people's throats. Have you ever considered
that you're wrong?”
These
words went in one ear and out of the other, as the angry man wallowed
in his pit. Sitting cross-legged on his bedroom floor, his girlfriend
towered over him, frustration lining her young face.
“You
can't honestly think that you're better than anyone else?”
His
stubborn eyes scanned over his possessions. He wasn't going to
dignify that question.
“You
do! What gives you that idea, huh?”
“People are stupid.”
“And
you're so clever?”
“I am,
actually.”
“So
what if you are? What have you ever done with your life? Collected
your stupid shit and made your pointless plans to save yourself and
the planet... And what does it always come to? You sitting back there,
sad and alone.”
“I'm
not sad.”
"As if angry is any better. You take pride in your rage, and it's pathetic,” her voice cracked, and she slumped against the wall. “I
can't take this anymore. You drain me.”
He bit
his lip. This again.
“I
don't know what to do anymore, y'know.”
Every
time someone grew close to him, he'd driven them away.
“You're
not doing anything with your life.”
They'd
say the same things.
“You
think you're so important, but you're not.”
Their
feelings would always die right in front of him.
“You're
nothing. And you know what's worse?”
He would
just watch as his lovers fell apart, one-by-one, in the same way. He
couldn't even bring himself to answer anymore.
“What's
worse is that you know it! You know you're worthless.”
It hurt
when they were right.
“You
know that you're going to be sat there, in the same shit, until
you're an old man.”
Who was
he kidding, it always hurt, whether someone was saying it or not.
“Your
plans are shit. All you talk is shit. Every plan you've ever made was
too big and outlandish to ever work... Not that you ever started any
of them!”
He wanted
to defend himself, but he had no legs to stand on.
“Have
you ever thought about how you would sustain a long-term
relationship? It's like you're not even here half of the time, even
though you never leave this room!”
“I
thought we were okay.”
“You
liar.”
He
couldn't retort – she was right again.
“No-one
could possibly think was alright. You're an over-opinionated,
under-achieving, low life, with no ambition and no direction in life.
You have a perfectly good girlfriend, willing to love you, and you'd
rather pine over the way things could be?”
He pursed
his lips again, clenching his fists, waiting for the next part to
come. The final act. His heart was pounding, even though he'd been
through this a hundred times. He didn't even know if he cared.
“I'm so
done with you.”
Here it
comes.
“I hate
so much about you, and you don't even care.”
He
thought about it. Nope. He didn't care that she hated him.
“Do you
even care that I love you too?”
Something
in his chest tightened. That, he did care about. Why had it taken him
so long to realise? Too late again, he guessed.
“Note
that I said that in the present tense?”
He looked
up properly for the first time. Gazing through his lashes, he looked
and felt like a little boy being told off by his mother.
“I
still love you, you dick. You're the biggest idiot I know, and if you
don't sort your life out soon, I'm going to have to rethink this, but
for now, I'm staying. I know you thought I was going to leave you
today, because you have a special kind of pathetic for when you're
going to lose something, but I'm not giving up that easy. I love you,
and I don't say that lightly. Just don't mess with me. I'll tear your
heart out if you don't sort your shit out.”
He just
stared, open mouthed, at the woman before him. His whole world had
been shaken, but he'd always been set in the same old ways. His heart
raced at the conflict bubbling up inside him. He had a lot of
thinking to do, if he was actually going to make a difference in his
own life for once...
