The thought of his lips on mine made me tingle. I didn't care that he wasn't really Merlin, there was something truly magical about him. As his eyes glinted in the mock-candlelight and the cast and crew seemed to disappear, I wondered if he could tell I wasn't acting? I could never be as good an actor as this. I could never have portrayed this feeling before, as this was the first time I'd ever known it so strongly. The temptation to pull him in and kill his lines with a kiss was almost overwhelming, as heat rose in my body, and the moment was coming. Crouched down in a tunnel, hidden in our little world under Camelot, Colin Morgan looked at me through Merlin's eyes and said the last line before the big moment, “It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks,” he brushed a strand of my hair behind my ear, “I think you're perfect.”
And there I was, unable to speak, as he leaned in and touched his lips carefully to mine. I was supposed to act surprised and delighted, but there was no need for me to think about anything as the man I'd fallen for pressed himself against me. I smiled into his lips and placed my hand gently on his chest. My eyes closed briefly, my heart racing, and I could feel his heartbeat too. I couldn't count the beats, though, as my thoughts were in disarray. I had no idea how he was feeling about this, if anything at all, but I knew that this would be a memory I would treasure forever. Part of me contemplated messing the scene up, so I could do it again, but all too soon, I heard the words “Cut. Perfect.” and I knew I'd ruined my chance.
The stark difference in Colin's accent shocked me out of my daze, as he placed out a hand to help me up, saying, “Great scene!”
“Thanks,” I muttered, taking his hand and smiling. I no longer knew how to deal with my feelings. It was over – the one chance I'd ever get to kiss him, and it was over. I wanted to go home.
“Are you okay?” Colin looked at me with concern.
I didn't speak for a moment, as I searched his face. “Yeah,” I smiled finally.
“I thought you'd be a better liar, considering your acting skills...” I looked into his eyes, and although coming from anyone else that may have sounded sharp, from Colin, it was a compliment hidden in concern.
“I'm fine,” I smiled more softly, and he seemed to be sceptical but calmer.
“You know you can talk to me,” he assured.
I nodded and gave him a genuine grin as he pulled me into a hug.
“That's better,” he laughed gently, rubbing my back, “now what's up?” I shook my head against his chest, and considering we were still surrounded by the other members of the cast and crew, he didn't press for an answer, “Talk to me later?”
“Yeah,” I smiled gratefully, and he ruffled my hair playfully before wandering away to his next scene.
*
“Come in,” I heard his Irish lilt through the trailer door.
“Hey,” I muttered, with my heart already pounding, as I let myself in.
“You okay?” he stood immediately, and rushed to pull me into another hug.
“Yeah,” I managed to breath the words out as he near-crushed me.
“So talk,” he then led me to sit down and took a seat opposite me. After several moments of me fiddling with my hands and staring determinedly at the carpet, he added, “Was I that bad?!”
“What do you mean?” all my concerns were replaced with confusion.
“Our kiss. Was it really that bad? ...You were fine before that.”
“It was good!” I assured hastily, “Perfect, in fact...”
“Then what's wrong?”
“It's precisely that,” I mumbled, finding the courage somewhere to finally go through with this.
“What do you mean?”
I laughed nervously, “That kiss, Colin. That whole scene was like a fairytale.”
“Yeah,” he nodded, not understanding what I meant. “It wasn't very realistic, was it?”
My heart sank, though I couldn't fully explain why. “That's not what I meant.”
“What's wrong?!”
Maybe he could hear the sadness in my voice. I took several deep breaths, then felt his hand cover one of mine. I dared to look up into his eyes, and immediately regretted it, as the blue of his pupils glittered with caring.
“There's nothing wrong, Colin,” I smiled weakly. “That scene was one of the best moments of my life.”
He was confused now, and I couldn't blame him, “So what's the matter?”
“You.” A moment's silence fell on us both as I plucked up the courage to continue, “You've made today special. You make everything special, and I wish we had a kissing scene every day...” Colin's eyes bulged out of his head as he began to understand what I was trying to say. I looked away, and continued talking, “I know it wasn't real, but it was something I've thought about for a long time, and now that it's over, I guess I feel... well... I don't know what I feel, so that's what's wrong.”
Another silent pause clouded over us, but I could have sworn I heard my heart throbbing, trying to escape my chest. Slowly becoming aware of each millimetre of my own body, I realised that Colin's hand hadn't left mine. A small smile crept onto my lips as I stared down at his thumb moving gently over my skin. Goosebumps trailed along my hand and up my arm. My eyes followed the line of his arm, up to his shoulder, over his neck, to his slightly flushed cheek, and after a short glance at his full lips, up to his eyes. The corners of his mouth turned up somewhat, as his eyes caught mine. My heart skipped a beat.
“Are you telling me,” he asked slowly, “that you want to have to kiss me more often?” His cheeks were darkening as he spoke, as I'm sure, were mine.
“I don't want to 'have to',” I giggled anxiously.
“But you want to?”
I paused, unable to read where this was going, “Yeah...”
“You want to kiss me?”
“Yeah,” I almost choked on the word because I was so on edge.
“You want me to kiss you?”
I was beginning to lose my cool now, shakily I answered, “More than anything.”
This short, confident answer seemed to stir something in Colin, as he gripped my other hand and leaned in towards me, “Look me in the eye.”
I glanced, then looked away. He tugged at my hands, and I dared to look properly. His gaze burrowed into me and I couldn't help but smile. “What?” I asked, scared.
“Tell me again, please, just look at me this time.”
“I want to...” I hesitated again, but I had a great hope in my chest that allowed me to carry on, “I want to kiss you, Mr Morgan. For real.”
His head bobbed to the side as his signature grin graced his face. “Really?”
“How many times do I have to say it?!” I half-laughed, half-scolded.
His mischievous eyes twinkled as he contemplated this question.
“Answer me!” my heart raced, as I felt every emotion from fear to love in each moment that passed.
“Okay,” was his only word, before he pulled me into his lap and crushed his lips to mine in a kiss more urgent than anything I'd ever known. My hands explored him as we kissed, finding the curve of his neck and making him shiver, before embedding themselves in his hair, pulling slightly, as punishment for teasing me. He seemed to enjoy it, as his hands ran up my back and pulled me into him.
I moaned as we pulled apart, and he chuckled, “How was that?”
“Perfect,” I pressed my forehead to his, my eyes closed.
“I've wanted to do that for the longest time.”
I pulled back to look at him, “Seriously?!”
He looked sheepish as he nodded.
“So how was it for you?” I smirked, happier than I'd ever been.
“Perfect,” he replied, kissing me again. And again. And again.